It's been a long time since I posted. This is because having a full time internship along with a part time paying job is very taxing on my time and energy. I also need time to think about... something.

~Fin

Alright I'm through whining for now...... I guess. However, I do reserve the right to revisit the topic with renewed fervor if I see fit in the future. As promised, here is a pirate related thing. It's sort of a sea shanty. I didn't write it, and I don't know who did. I don't even especially care. Oh, and before I forget, this week I have Monday,  Tuesday, and even Thursday off. I dunno know why. Probably because they just hired the fourth new guy. (The first three quit. And they all got hired at a higher base pay then I make with my raise. Grrr...) Well, at least I’m learning Spanish. Soy pirata. ¡Témame!

 

Oh, me mother went a’sailin’

And she became a captain too

She pulled her mate o’er her knees

And spanked him black and blue!

 

The mate then ran ashore on leave,

And cried an’ cried all day

Said me mother was an orc,

An’ that she’d have t’ pay!

 

The mate then roused up all the crew,

An’ they cried out for her head

But my mother, she’s a smart one,

She jus’ winked her eye an’ said:

 

“Johnny, you’re a dumb one,

Does ye think that I was blind?

If you hadn’t given reason

I’d ne’er spanked your sore behind.”

 

“When the winds picked up an’ tossed the ship,

From yonder to an’ fore,

Ye went an’ screamed just like a girl,

An’ forgot yer sailor lore.”

 

“Because when ye are a sailor,

Ye put other thoughts behind,

Ye gives the ship yer courage,

And ye pays yer fear no mind.”

 

Well, the crew they all did agree with her,

They threw Johnny o’erboar’

And that’s why you’ll hear Johnny cryin’

When the winds, they start to roar!

 

 

 

~Fin

I realized I’ve mainly been using this Xanga to amuse people, and not to post my true feelings, so today I’m gonna do that. I’m not going to force anyone to read this. It’s going to be really boring. And really long. I’m warning you. I know this post is disappointing (And depressing), so next time I’ll post something about pirates. I promise.

It's been exactly one year since I started this blog. (Of course by the time I finish this post it will probably be a day late. It‘s gonna be a long one.) You know what's changed in that year? Nothing. Oh, sure I may have a job and my schooling may be over (except the internship.) but none of the IMPORTANT things have changed. I'm still alone. In fact, I'm worse off than I was a year ago. At least then I was kind of seeing someone. (And even then I had the sneaking suspicion that it was doomed to fail. Of course, I always have that......But on the other hand I haven't been wrong yet.) So why am I so unappealing to the opposite gender? I dunno. I have a myriad of theories. The truth is probably that most of these are correct to some extent. I have included popular theories had by those that know me. I don't necessarily subscribe to them, but they probably have a more accurate view of my faults than I do. Plato did say that it was impossible to understand oneself in the way you understand another. To save space I lumped them all together under four very broad categories. This is hardly an expansive list, and is subject to update and input from readers, etc, etc...

1. THE WAY I LOOK

High forehead, heavy brow, broad shoulders, wide nose, pronounced philtrum... I look like some kind of freakin’ Neanderthal half-orc. Some evolutionary throwback. I think it’s kind of cool that I look like at least one of my parents was named Grog, but girls aren’t into that kind of thing apparently. You know how occasionally you will see someone who looks kind of like you? I don’t. I’ve never seen anyone who looks REMOTELY like me. When was the last time you heard someone say, “Wow, that guy’s really cute looking, I think I‘ll go talk to him.” Probably more often than “Wow, that guy’s really unique looking, I think I‘ll go talk to him.” Trust me, I’ve worked in fast-food, I’ve worked in door to door sales. I’ve seen a lot of people, and most of you look alike. It’s true. Anyway, since I had been dealt that card I decided to go ahead and play it. Since I already looked like some dumb brute I decided I should work out and get some better muscle mass. Some girls like big macho guys, right? That’s what I heard, anyway. Well, it’s the best shot I have. Well, I get stronger, but it just doesn’t show. Working out just doesn’t work for me for some reason. Girls aren’t impressed by a guy who can lift a lot. They are impressed by guys who LOOK like they can lift a lot. Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen ‘The World’s Strongest Man Competition‘? Those guys don’t look like they’re in shape. They look like they could clear out a buffet line by themselves. Nobody wants to see them shirtless. Speaking of that, does anyone know why I lost so much weight? It wasn’t for health, it wasn’t to make me feel better about myself, and it was to get girls to notice me. Don’t tell me that looks don’t matter. I’m not stupid. You know who says looks don’t matter? Good looking people. Just like the rich people who say having money doesn’t make you happy. Stupid yuppies.

2. THE WAY I DRESS

Okay, it’s not a big secret why I grew my hair out and dress in black. (I actually count my hair as ‘the way I dress‘, rather than ‘the way I look’ because I could change it if I wanted.) It’s so people will leave me alone. I’m not trying to be a badass or anything, but people are a lot less likely to speak to me if I am wearing spiked gloves. It’s true. I hate the summer because it’s really too hot to dress that way, and strangers start making small talk with me. It really freaks me out. It’s funny how I make them a little nervous, and they have no idea that they scare the bejeezus out of me. Anyway, this theory states that the nice, quite girls who are into Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and the particle/wave theory of light assume that I am some sort of dangerous felon, so THEY aren‘t interested. And the girls who are actually interested in dating a dangerous felon realize within a few moments of conversation that I am not some sort of devil-may-care vigilante, and as a matter of fact, I’m not even very much fun, so THEY aren’t interested. Some people seem to think that I overestimate the effect I have on people. The truth is that I know that I really don’t frighten many people. I make them a little uncomfortable. And most of the time that’s enough. I just want to be left alone... right? Then why am I so lonely?

3. THE WAY I SPEAK

This is the second favorite theory among my coworkers. (Their favorite theory is that I’m gay. I hate my coworkers. I hate them all.) Over the course of my life I have adopted many archaic words and mannerisms that they claim any girl in their right mind would find abhorrent. It must come from reading so much. Or from my lack of friends during a significant portion of my childhood. Probably both. At any rate, they say that my speech is formal and stilted to a fault. It is true that it can be described as such, but I feel that it is not especially noticeable unless I am agitated. (As I am now.) They beg to differ and claim that it manifests itself on one level or another on a daily basis. They informed me that women are intimidated by intelligence, and I should speak down to them. (!) Well, for one, I don’t think I’m that smart, and for two, I sure hope that girls aren’t off put by intelligence, because for whatever reason, I have a way of FOOLING people into thinking that I am some sort of genius. I don’t know how or why this is. I’M NOT SOME GODDAMN PRODIGY!!! I couldn’t ride a bike until I was 13. I never even learned how to tie my own goddamn shoes! I’m struggle with rudimentary tasks! I’m STUPID!

4. THE FRIEND PHENOMENON

I’m a bit part. I’m everyone’s second or third favorite Ninja Turtle. I’m not Blade; I’m Hannibal King. Did Kongol get a love interest in ‘Legend of Dragoon’? No. How about Ian Malcolm in ‘Jurassic Park’. No. And what about Chico Marx in any of his movies? Nope. Why not? Just about everyone liked them. They were even some people’s favorite characters. Because they aren’t the main character. They’re the ones who might be interesting to hang out with, maybe even be friends with, but when you get right down to it nobody wants to go out with someone who plays second fiddle in their own life. And you can’t make a movie or a game staring Kongol, Ian Malcolm or Chico Marx. Remember how ‘Jurassic Park 2’ sucked? That’s why. Everyone likes to think that they are the main character in their own story, but I’ve grown past that. I realize that I make people laugh. That’s all I do. I’m comic relief. You can be friends with the comic relief guy, but why would anyone date them? What could you possibly get out of it? They are already making you laugh, why would you need them to do anything else? You’re already seeing that crime fighting masked man or that mysterious swordsman, or something. Why would you want to date his sidekick or that wisecracking troubadour that follows him around? (Whichever the case may be.)

This list is hardly done, and I invite you, the gentle reader, to contribute. I am open to constructive criticism and all input is welcome. And Moonstar, if you say “You’re fine the way you are” one more time, I will set your dog on fire. I will. Oh, and Remy, if you say that, I will set YOU on fire. Hell, I might anyway.

~Fin

Moonstar spent New Years alone? Sorry. I actually had to work. It sucked. At least it was slow. How about I try the lyric posting thing? This has been running through my head recently. It's "Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me" by Warren Zevon. I am not cognitive of a way to turn off that stupid double spacing. Sorry.

I lay my head on the railroad tracks, and wait for the Double ‘E’

The railroad don’t run no more,

Poor, poor pitiful me.

Poor, poor pitiful me,

These young girls won’t let me be,

Lord have mercy on me.

Woe is me!

Well, I met a girl in West Hollywood, I ain’t namin’ names.

She really worked me over good, she was just like Jesse James.

She really worked me over good, she was a credit to her gender.

She put me through some changes Lord,

Sort of like a wearing blender.

Poor, poor pitiful me.

Poor, poor pitiful me,

These young girls won’t let me be,

Lord have mercy on me.

Woe is me!

Poor, poor pitiful me.

Poor, poor pitiful me,

These young girls won’t let me be,

Lord have mercy on me.

Woe is me!

I met a girl at the Rainbow Bar, she asked me if I’d beat her.

She took me back to the hired house......

I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!

Poor, poor pitiful me.

Poor, poor pitiful me,

NEVERMIND!

~Fin